Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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