Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
