He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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