He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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