He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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