I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
