did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
