Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
