ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
