man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
