The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
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Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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