Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
