last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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