You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
