Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
