oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
