Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
