I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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