Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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