Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
