I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
