Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
