Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
