she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My feet surprised me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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