My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.