Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening