Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog