I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..