I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....