so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
babies were throwing up all over the place
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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