Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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