get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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