You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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