btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
