that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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