Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
