where am i from again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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