The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
