yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
