just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
