It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have tasted many bathrooms
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
