woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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