redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
