I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
