After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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