I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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