I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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