you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
