This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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