we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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