I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
