Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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