She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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