Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
