Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize