Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
