How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
