I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize