True but thats because hes a fetus.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Semen is not good for contacts.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
