can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
