I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
