Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
