youre lurking in front of me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
