Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
