I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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