why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
