Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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