Christians are straight up FREAKS
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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