Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Still dying that you shit outside
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
