So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
