so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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