Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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