sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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